I took a day off from going to the hospital and visiting my Dad. As much as we love to be there with him, we there are other people's needs that need met. While working today I was slowly writing down my thoughts about the current events and it turned into a letter. I think that the best way for me to keep on top is to share how I'm feeling, and I'm feeling like hell... So as you might imagine, this is very emotional and probably sounds like a bunch of rambling, but either way.
A Letter to my Father
I love you. I know we don't talk about mushy things much, but there are a lot of things I'd like to tell you. You're an amazing inspiration to me, you've taught me so much about living life. I have so many memories of us having a good time.
Jumping off of the roof in Ottawa into your arms, you taught me to trust.
Making those cassette tapes with scary noises around halloween, you taught me to laugh.
Being with mum and always doing the most thoughtful and wonderful things for her, you taught me to love.
Preserving through your entire life of obstacles, you've taught me to be so strong.
You've introduced me to all of my hobbies and loves of life. When I was just a kid you would bring me to the base and let me hang out with all of the computers. They fascinated me and I've never looked back since. One of my most vivid memories was playing Q-Bert on one of the ladies' computer. It was so much fun and yet I had a need to know how it all worked. You always took to new things with chutzpah, and showed no fear to me when I was in control of a full sized car, speeding around in an open parking lot. You taught me that the best way to drive a car isn't to steer it, but to guide it around corners. And later, how to drive in the snow and do reverse donuts in the Taurus. Always teaching me and instilling your huge amount of knowledge in a fun way to me. In an effort to stop wasting your gas, i've discovered that the most fuel efficient speed for my car is 88 km / h. I get almost 55 mpg going that fast (thats how fast i drive on the highway). Thanks for always slipping me a 20 when mum wasn't looking, it always went towards that damn gas bill, but I would have paid it myself if it meant coming home to see you guys. I cherish every weekend that I spent in Parrsboro. The house now feels so big and empty without your big heart inside of it. There's so many small un-finished projects around the house that need to be finished! Looking around I see all of the handy work we've put into it together. You taught me to always measure twice and cut once, not always by example. We've built so much of this house you and I. The metal shed out back, the back door steps, so many of the renovations downstairs, landscaping to small things like replacing fuses (and finding a penny in one to keep it shorted, LOL), light fixtures, running cables all over so we could have satellite TV in every room. You've taught me everything I know about fixing and repairing a home. More than anything, I want you to be around to be the grandfather to my children, I don't know if I can provide the same caring and knowledge that you did, you always know what to do and I'll need your help raising them. I want you to be present when they have their first steps, when they say their first words, even when they graduate high school and go off into the real world. I want them to know what an amazing man you are and I don't think they'd grow up half as wonderful not knowing their Grampie. You're a great community man, always doing so much for everyone. You continually inspire me to help people who are less fortunate than I am, or are just in need. That's about all the guts i can spill for now, I just want you to know that I'm so proud to have you as a father. It's an incredible experience that everyone else in the world is missing out on. The puppies miss you. we miss you. I love you.
your son (Adam) xoxoxo